A big fat gay wedding.
This was originally posted to my family blog, but since the ideas and opinions expressed below are MINE I am publishing it here.
In my last post I wrote that I have been preoccupied lately, and that's not exactly the word for it. The truth is my heart feels heavy. I have been following with great dismay the effort in California to overturn gay marriage (Proposition 8). Our church has come out strongly in opposition to gay marriage on the grounds that it threatens the institution marriage between a man and a woman, which we hold to be sacred. I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity of marriage, but I also believe that gay people should be allowed to marry. Not allowing gay people to marry doesn't end homosexuality, it just marginalizes gay people. I think that we will look back on this era and be ashamed of our intolerance.
I’m happily married to a wonderful man and embrace motherhood. I feel so blessed to be able to experience the JOY of creating a happy family. I think that gay people who love each other should have that opportunity, too. Nothing about gay marriage threatens my family’s happiness. I don’t think that it will confuse my boys that some families are made up differently than ours. Indeed, I think that explaining divorce (that people who once professed to love each other changed their minds) will prove far more disturbing than explaining gay marriage.
Why am I writing about this now??? Good question. The fight is over, for now, the proponents of Proposition 8 won the vote, but my heart is still heavy. I don’t live in California and frankly, was glad that I could stay above the fray, but now that it’s passed I feel like a coward for having done nothing. I reached out privately to loved ones who are gay to let them know that I supported them, but I mostly kept my head down and my feelings to myself. This ignoble lack of courage is NOT a value that I want to model in my family. I want to teach my boys to be tolerant and respectful of differences. I want them to be confident in who they are (children of God) and know that God loves ALL his children. I also don’t want them to ask me why I didn’t speak up for what I believe in, even when it was unpopular. I want them to be brave, and have the courage of their convictions.
8 comments:
Good job sweetie...
We also like Anna's views...
D.
I am so glad you posted this on OUR blog. I have always been proud of how brave and elegant you are. This articulate post outlines a well thought-out, appropriate and generous opinion on a subject which is highly controversial among people you love. I agree with you in many ways, but part of what I admire so much about your comments here is the room for respectful disagreement. Rock on, sister. xoxox
Anna -- I stumbled across your blog from Jamie's and followed your link about gay marriage and am so impressed you wrote about your feelings. I understand the Church's logic about its view but have been very confused about why it has taken the hard-line stance it has. It just doesn't seem right to me. At any rate, many thanks for your courage. - Heather Fortuna Bush (www.lifeasabush.blogspot.com)
Oh, Anna. I only wish I could pick up the phone and call you. You articulated the many weighing factions of my soul so beautifully. I have been feeling, as you so aptly put it, heavy, as well these past months. I feel like my faith is in such a turmoil: growing up in Ithaca, I can't help but feel a total respect and love for all gay people, and having my own church come out so strongly against gay marriage was beyond heartwrenching. I too was glad to not be in California, and was subsequently totally ashamed for staying under the radar, afraid of speaking out, worrying about only myself. It's hard when something like Prop 8 happens: people unite to 'protect' something, while at the same time uniting AGAINST something (and someone) else. Thank you for having the courage to so thoroughly examine yourself and to share the results of your introspection with the rest of us. It definitely helped me feel a)not alone and b)more settled about my rather strong and slightly unresolved feelings. You're the best.
Sweet Nora, despite what Amanda Earnest says, it has nothing to do with the fact that you were born and raised in Ithaca and everything to do with your ability to empathize and put yourself yourself in another's shoes. Perhaps that does have to do with being from Ithaca because you weren't surrounded your whole life by people who were EXACTLY like you. In any case, thanks for commenting. Give me a call if you'd like to chat. I'll send you my phone number.
Good for you, Anna! I knew it wasn't just because you're my cousin with the sunniest disposition in the family that I liked you.
Anna, I sincerely appreciate your thoughtful post. Individuals like yourself can play such a bridge role between the Mormon community and the gay and lesbian community to humanize the issue. One can only imagine that if more individuals within the Mormon community knew individuals like Ann and myself, they would realize, like you have, that we in fact share common values around family and commitment. Your post also reminded me of our large wedding party :). In all seriousness, we decided to have a wedding ceremony (and a large wedding party) in front of all of our families and friends to commit our love for one another and to show our appreciation for our friends and family who have supported us and our relationship in the past, present and future.
First - wow. Totally brave to post this red hot issue that could create such strong feelings on both sides of the fence, so kudos for being open.
Second - I had to laugh a little that you moved it since i'm assuming Ryan is on the other side of the fence.
Like you I've struggled in a BIG way with this issue. I was thrilled that I didn't live in California where the church asked everyone to contribute and take a side. I haven't been particularly courageous about taking a stand because I do support and love many gays including my cousin, and friends and have similar thoughts to what you posted. However, I struggle with the fact that if church leaders who I sustain are getting revelation for something I should probably listen even if I don't understand.
Here's where I am now--still a bit unusre. Interestingly, I am with my parents in Australia right now and we had a General Authority stay with us a week ago and we ended up having a long conversation about this topic and I told him my views and that I had a hard time supporting the churches standpoint.
After many discussions he did finally say some things that did convince me that have pushed me more to the church side of things. I am still confused and still have questions and it's way to much to post the whole GA conversation here - but I hope more enlightenment comes.
Regardless you have to make your own decisions and you will know what the right answer is. I appreciate your courage in sharing.
xox
Shauri
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